some, it could be a place where you feel safe. But for others, it could be a
feeling that makes you feel warm inside. When I was little, I always used to
think how someone could hate home, the soft, fuzzy feeling it gave me was
special. Now I don’t really know what home is.
5 years ago.
That’s when it was… 5 years ago. I still remember the moment: my palms were
sweaty, I felt like my heart was sinking to my stomach. Everything went blurry
and my fingers went numb. The blood from my face drained away and tears dripped
slowly falling onto my lips. This was the 2nd time. The 2nd
time I had to move away from my mum. It’s not her fault, if anyone’s its mine.
I should have covered up the scars better, I should have done everything to
protect her. That fuzzy feeling I felt when I came home from school was no
longer there, it wasn’t even a safe-place anymore, it was more of a dream
trapped in a nightmare. I suppose it isn’t so bad once you learn how to stay on
mum’s good side, but once you make a little slip-up it’s over.
A woman in a
crisp, black suit walked over to me, looking at me as if I had no idea what was
happening. I look up at her solemn face and I want to be 5 years old again,
just me and my mum, side by side. The woman reaches out to pat me on the head
and I swerve to the left, staying out of her reach. “It’s okay, you’ll be okay”
The words are like a dagger in the heart, they are all bitter lies. I watch her
as she walks back to her office. I make out a couple of words “yes… possibly
permanent placement…Edmington? Yes that would be alright…right now, her
social worker” She walks back towards me “Right, darling, my colleague has told
me that you will be moving to a small family home in Edmington.” I had never
heard of a place called Edmington but I knew it was far and I didn’t think it
sounded very pleasant all I knew was that I had to prepare for tough changes.
5 years on
and my life has gotten better. That fuzzy feeling I call home isn’t there yet,
but I am now in a safe place that makes me happy. My mum is always going to be
my special hero but now I am focusing on a new life rather than my past life.
The scars will always be physically there but emotionally? They are gone, all